I was frozen in place, completely paralyzed, and felt hundreds of people staring at me, as I struggled to simply talk to a girl – it’s called approach anxiety. You have probably experienced a similar situation in your own life, wondering how you’re supposed to talk to a girl.
She was pretty in a girl-next-door sort of way. I had spent hours in the bar screwing up the courage to approach her. I forced myself to trudge up to her table, she stopped her conversation and looked up at me. She waited for me to say something.
But I simply could not bring myself to speak.
She raised her eyebrows in a questioning gesture.
My stomach churned and my heart pounded while I shoved my sweaty palms into my pocket. Logically, I know the juke box continued to play and everyone else in the bar kept talking. But I felt like total silence had engulfed the joint and that everyone was staring at me.
I turned and quickly walked away from the girl.
How did your own inability to talk to a girl appear? Maybe you sat next to a cute girl in Algebra class but could never bring yourself to ask her name. Maybe there was a coworker in the end cubicle that you could never ask about her weekend.
I simply found myself frozen, utterly baffled, completely stuck by my inability to simply talk to a girl.
It’s an awful feeling. People speak to strangers dozens of times every freaking day. I had no problem interacting with the person at the toll booth or the clerk at the bookstore. But if it was a woman that caught my eye romantically, I was lost. It seemed like such a simple thing, but it was like climbing Mount Everest to me.
Then, I read The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss. Which led me to Stylelife Academy, his online academy of attraction. And I learned how to talk to girls.
There were two levels of knowledge that I learned. One was a more mechanical, how-to approach for communicating with women. The other was more philosophical, more personal attitude that transformed all my interactions with people.
Tips on How To Talk To A Girl
Simply follow these easy steps to use the mechanical approach:
1. Don’t just walk up to a woman and blandly say “hello” as this puts undue pressure on the situation. She has to decide if she wants to speak with you. Instead, use an opener to generate a conversation. Openers consist of a root, a time constraint, and a query. The root addresses her subconscious wondering of why are you approaching her. The time constraint sets her mind at ease that you won’t sit there and pester her for hours. And the query elicits a response.
As an example, talk to a girl by saying, “I need a quick female opinion… I can only stay a moment because I have to get back to my friends. We’re having this discussion: Who lies more? Men or women?”
Your question can be anything. It can be an observation about the venue, it can be a question about female attitudes towards a certain topic, it can be about a particular movie or new CD, and so forth. It is simple a question to generate a conversation.
2. As you say your opener, rock back slightly on your heels and maybe even glance over your shoulder. This body language tactic reinforces the time constraint to signal that you have other places to go, other people to chat with.
3. Be sure that you deliver your opener in a spontaneous manner. Practice your openers so they flow smoothly, but don’t be robotic. Strive to be like an athlete who practices a play so that when the moment comes during the game, he just acts without a thought.
4. Always be interested in her response. Use the interaction as an opportunity to learn something that you find intriguing. This will ensure you come across as sincere and genuine, and not someone who is simply repeating a script.
The idea of being interested ties into the more philosophical approach that I learned from Stylelife. I was struggling to talk to a girl because I put too much pressure on the interaction. I felt like I had to immediately impress her if I wanted any chance at a phone number or a date. In the back of my head, I was imagining the two of strolling on romantic beaches before I even knew her name. It was like worrying about making the last second shot in the championship before even leaving the locker room.
Stylelife taught me that improvement was about the long-term journey. I shouldn’t worry about getting a specific phone number. I should pay attention to improving my communication skills and having fun meeting new people.
Today, I spoke to three different women, on the fly, spontaneously. My words flowed effortlessly. I was in complete control. All along, it sounded so easy, just to simply talk to a girl.
And now it is.
It can be for you too.